A feared force of good and righteous doings, folk tend to remember The Zard (often stylized Th'Zard) as much for his justice-infused deeds as for his somewhat peculiar antics performed whilst doing them. He travels with his somewhat somber companion, Danzor, and a pokey minute man Mainard of their trio adventuring company Sticks of Salem (for now).

For example, after routing a nest of weasel badgers from the lumber supply of a village in the heart of winter, The Zard thought it not challenge enough, and put a dying weasel badger down his own pants then attempted to kill it with a piece of hard oak by striking himself in the loins repeatedly. He passed out from pain, and the numerous weasel bites, though the little terror was thoroughly trounced and his two companions roasted and ate it whilst waiting for him to rouse from his slumber. By morning, he was back on his feet and claimed he hadn't slept so well in a fortnight.

Another time, a traveling sales wizard deployed his most powerful curse in which The Zard was forced to enter and dance off with the next living thing he saw. As it happened, this wizard did this because he was under siege by a mountain troll, and after The Zard called him a ninny for taking the troll's goat cheese, the sales wizard locked the The Zard in the dance off with the troll to force him to fight. It was to be a dance off to the death, and after twelve exhausting hours of fierce pelvic thrusting, the troll collapsed and The Zard won the right to execute him with a finishing dance move. Mid-pose, about to strike with a flashy sword kick to the heart, The Zard could not do it for the troll's feverish dancing had been indeed righteous; he willed himself past the curse and slayed the sales wizard instead, making friends with the mountain troll and doing him up with the wizard's magic raiment. The troll went on to become  Kon'troll, the spellbinding beast responsible for sweeping the population of entire local villages into many a party hard night, but The Zard didn't hear this until much later and only laughed, because chaotic good do how chaotic good does, and everyone's got their own kind of style.


  • "Rocks fall, everyone dies."